day in day out I have helped singles with companionship recommendations on the net and for as long as I can remember. This article is not old hat. You’ve heard them all, I’m sure. Take an interest in social cues, be diplomatic, don’t be self-obsorbed, be frank and (a big one) steer clear of contrasting the people you date on a shopping list. Take it breazy, like you ordinarly would! Allow for spontanaity in any situation. If you hadn’t learned from movies, don’t make a mess trying to pretend you are anything other than what you are. What if the acquaintance grows longer-term, then you’ll have to reveal your lies. But here’s the secret to dating, I’ve always recommended Great Expectations Milwaukee. It’s no secret that timely introductions is a gift I fine-tuned every day for my entire life. Victories friends and family earned me my brand of sorts. My coupled-up friends are everywhere.

First of all take Julie and Juan now toting about their flock of children. Guess who matched these two at an architecture luncheon once upon a time, and their magical outcome is evident. Fernando and Lindsay also hit it right off when I put them at the same table at a wedding last year. Let’s not forget my sister in law Ashley and her fiance. Those two get hitched in Vegas the first weekend of November. My favorite couple, they discovered their companionship with Great Expectations, on my suggestion.

So I stay on the mark and quite productive as well! But all this time, while I’ve been perfecting helping single friends realize the attitude needed to build real compatability, I forgot to tend to my personal dating health. Can you guess what happens when Miss Cupid Herself requires a little serendipity? I will enjoy Great Expectations Milwaukee Wisconsin, ’cause when you’re you’re a pro it raises expectations. Perhaps this is the feeling that has kept me from really getting serious about dating. Just like many singles, I should know that it’s tough to live this world without companionship. Here I go, taking my own advice by expert matchmaking.

Irene Pacheco

Expert Dating Guru

I imagined that I lost my identity, without my hair. I resigned that it would be more than difficult to get back fabulous style. Girl, I was foolish. Before I got wise and bought my favorite real wig, I found a number of silly synthetic hair extensions that didn’t suit my complexion. My lover Reginald introduced me to a few medical wig stores offering lace front wigs that would look great.

So I hopped to it and checked it out. I uncovered a diverse world of, chic human hair wigs. Their amazing lace front wigs worked!

Given the proper hair piece, a proud individual similar to myself can grow bravery working towards growing comfortable with her hair loss. Not since I was a girl did I want to show off my current voluminous hair. It was exhilarating to proudly brush my hair while at the dinner table.

It wouldn’t surprise me if I could be exaggerating things, but remember looks are important to my emotional well-being. Could there be something else to life than a great head of hair? Darn-it, it doesn’t matter if that were so. Lace Front wigs look so good!

You couldn’t imagine what my loved ones have done for me. No one has noticed the reality of me and my wigs (I have two now, for different styles). Still that’s where I’m at, I’m thankfully happy to fearlessly approach my career again. Fashionable Medical Wigs made so much better for my family and I.

Judgmental people may say my method superficial. They don’t know. I don’t care who you are, what creature comforts make existing on earth so possible? For me, it’s friends and my new wigs.

Love Fabulous Hair,

Cassandra Holton

What about that business you swore you would promote this year? That book you were going to write? Did you get it done? After numerous attempts at initiating an activity do you conclude you just can’t adequately motivate yourself to accomplish the task? Do you allow ‘things’ to get in your way?

Perhaps the challenge is not that you haven’t formally set your ultimate goal, but rather that you have decisively committed to failure. Think back, did you say I am going to ‘try’? The word try in itself is the beginning of the end. ‘Try’ is simply not as motivating as ‘DO’!

Webster’s definition of try is 1 a : to examine or investigate judicially b (1) : to conduct the trial of (2) : to participate as counsel in the judicial examination of 2 a : to put to test or trial
— often used with out 3 : to make an attempt at – It is clear that even Mr. Webster fundamentally realized that to try was a pledge ONLY to try.

When you try to accomplish something you often fail simply because you have released yourself from the guilt of failure; you never said you were going to do, just that you would try. Therefore, when you do fail you can say “been there, done that” without feeling like you failed. However, the reality is; you did fail!

I have found that when I commit to DO, things get done! That one simple word purposely produces a mindset for success! I recall when I began my business, 30+ years ago, I simply decided to DO! I didn’t say, I am going to TRY, I said I AM GOING TO…! No option for potential failure there.

Another effective illustration I recall is when I decided to stop smoking. I had TRIED several times before, but the day I said ‘I QUIT!’; that is the day I REALLY did quit!

How do you purposely produce decisive success? Yes, do start with a clearly defined goal in mind. Yes, do successfully create a plan, write it down, and make it a reality. But most importantly decide ultimately to succeed! Commit to DO!

To be truly successful and to remain committed to your ultimate goal, ‘Commit to DO’ today!

© Copyright 2005 Ginger Marks
This is the second in the ‘Commit to’ series. Commit to Excellence – Nov. 2005.

Ginger Marks is the founder of DocUmeant, Your writing assistant. For more information, visit her website at http://www.documeant.net. She is also the Copy Editor for Ladies First Magazine. Ladies First Magazine online is your first stop for business articles, profiles and resources for and by female entrepreneurs, http://www.ladiesfirstmag.biz.

In the day, Rome was not a normal city. Like any progressive city, it had many of
oppositions. Rome exists today because of the blood that was shed for hundreds of
years for the idea it stood for. Greatness will always come with a price.

Maximus “the gladiator”, a man who loved his city for what it stood for, in the end
died a noble man who served Rome well. As a general or a slave, Maximus never
forgot who mattered most, the People.

“Win the crowd, and you will win your freedom.” –The Gladiator

Twenty years of counseling trainers and consulting health clubs have taught me
many things. However, nothing has hit home to me more than this; being a six
figure a year personal trainer has more to do with people than numbers on an
exercise chart or treadmill.

My advice to the health club owners, fitness directors and personal trainers; get
back to giving great service to the member and client. With all the fitness clubs and
wellness products offered today, wouldn’t you think America would be getting
thinner? You are not. Why do you think that is?

Here are five things to remember and one thousand dollars of free advice, if you
want to make it big as a personal trainer:

#1: Be sold out to your profession – Act like a professional

#2: Understand, it’s not about YOU! – Leave your ego at the door.

#3: Never forget where you come from – Take people for granted and they will
leave.

#4: Practice what you preach – Talk your walk!

#5: Do whatever it takes – Have an ethical game plan.

Gladiator, I salute you!

Greg is a best selling author and high profile fitness expert. A former employee of Kathy Smith and fitness trainer to the stars. Greg spends most time now counseling other trainers, speaking, and writing books. For more information and a free mini course on the 100,000 dollar personal trainer program
email me at greg@resolutions.bz

In one sense it seems strange to laugh at other people’s mistakes, and yet we all do it, and our enjoyment is not usually of malicious intent. We laugh because we can all relate and identify how much part of being human such bloopers are!

We all make mistakes, and have many bloopers and outtakes in a lifetime. Some of them may be funny like movie bloopers, a stupid mistake and we are able to laugh at our selves. Other outtakes in life, however, are not funny, and are neither unforeseen nor self imposed. I am referring to the tragic turns of events that happen in life that can turn our life and routine around in a moment. Accidents, disaster, the death of a loved one happen unexpectedly, and can profoundly affect our lives. These are outtakes we would prefer not to happen or even replayed in life. Some of life’s outtakes have the potential to embarrass, humiliate, hurt, or disappoint us and also can stop our hopes and dreams for ever.

Times of crisis and tragedy can not be prevented, but how you handle these outtakes will affect the rest of your life. There is always a choice in any crisis. We can choose to grieve, but cling on to hope and move forward, or choose to cling onto the past and become stuck there. We cannot choose our circumstances, but we do have a choice how we respond to them. We can succumb or overcome, and our choice will determine our future. When we drive a car our focus is the road ahead; if we spend all our time looking in the rearview mirror failure is more or less inevitable! The same is true in life, we will fail, or at best remain at a standstill if we keep looking back and focusing on the events behind us, reliving the past.

A young African-American girl was born to unwed impoverished teenagers, in the racially charged backwoods of Mississippi in the middle of the twentieth century. She was abused by male relatives, and became pregnant at age fourteen. This girl did not seem to have many choices about her future and its potential to turn around towards success. However, this girl determined that these devastating outtakes of her life would not predetermine her future. Despite her circumstances this girl learned how to succeed by working hard, being true to herself and communicating with compassion and honesty.

This woman’s success story may seem like a fairy tale, for Oprah Winfrey is now one of the most well known and influential women in the world. However Oprah would acknowledge that her tragic childhood experiences have helped her remain true to her commitment to persevere and aim for excellence.

Oprah Winfrey is well known for her TV show, O magazine and book club, but also for the way she had explicitly described her own battles with depression, her weight and her relationships. She has made many connections between her past struggles and poor choices to the ‘aha’ moments that motivated her to take those experiences and learn from them, ultimately bringing her to a place more success and respect. Oprah chose to overcome, not to succumb.

Oprah is one of numerous examples of people who overcame the outtakes of their life and did not allow the odds to intimidate them. Just as actors learn from their mistakes and use them to improve their performance, so can we use our outtakes to improve our lives.

Don’t let your outtakes ‘take you out’; use them to take you forward.

Barbara White is the President of Beyond Better
Development, a company specializing in personal development and
leadership training.

Visit Articles Beyond Better. com for more self improvement articles

Let’s go a little deeper. Not only do we build a box for our life experience, but we often erect a box around ourselves, one that keeps us all tucked in without going anywhere. It feels more comfortable so we opt to stay. I believe we each came into this life experience for a specific reason. We are each unique, a one of a kind design of God, not like any other. Our gifts are special, like no one else’s, and we have a responsibility to share those gifts. But instead, many hide in their box because they are afraid to step out – afraid they’re not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, wealthy enough, or whatever way in which they don’t feel enough. All of those “lack” feelings come from fear, and fear keeps us “stuck.” What if Columbus had remained afraid? Where would we be now?

It takes courage to step into the unknown when we have no idea what’s out there. Yet it’s only through the belief and determination that there’s more than we’ve seen so far that we can expand into our potential. Sitting snug as a bug in your box will never expand you into all you can be. All of life is about choice, so you always can choose whether to move forward or remain as you are. If Thomas Edison had given up as many urged him to so in his search for electricity, would we still be lighting lanterns to see in the dark?

Never once in my life have I been let down by what I discovered as I walked into uncharted territory. Sometimes I was very afraid, so much so that my legs trembled and didn’t feel as if they’d support me, but every time I made it through only to find it was more wonderful than I could have imagined as I looked back over the experience. In the process I grabbed back my power!

The key is in letting go and allowing the details to unfold without getting in the way. First you become willing, ready to move forward, surrendering the details. This is the hardest step for most individuals because they feel they must be in control of every situation in their lives. I promise you that if you surrender your will and allow for the good to come to you, it may come in spectacular surprise packages! Public speaking was never on my list of potentials, but it was on God’s, and by my willingness to break through the fear it has transformed my life in ways I could have never planned.

Secondly, you must believe that you can do it because as a child of God you can. Just as the sky seems endless, so are you. Any limits in your life are ones you’ve created. Columbus believed he could find another land and he did. Believe it with feeling and you create it!

Thirdly, as the doors open you must walk through them, keeping focused on the light you see in the distance. Once you step out you cannot go back, and why would you want to? You may stumble sometimes, feel alone or even disheartened, but come back to your Power Source and you’ll make it fine. The biggest fear individuals have is that they will be successful in their endeavor which means they have to step up to their potential. Their own insecurity sabotages this through their ego, which is why there is so much emphasis on building earthly security.

Stepping out of your box frees you to be the magnificent person you already are, allowing your unlimited potential to fly. Don’t you think it’s time to take that first step out?

Carolyn Porter, D. Div., is in Inspirational Speaker, Author of multiple books, ebooks and audios, Spiritual Wholeness Coach,Trainer for speaking, and Energy Facilitator whose passion is to help individuals move beyond their own limiting beliefs and create the life they truly want and deserve.

The situations we encounter influence our mental thoughts. Our mind responds to the situation we encounter and can change our mental activities, that is, our perspectives, attitudes, our ways of acting, speaking and thinking and most people will feel uncomfortable in a tense situation.

How do personalities affect our fate? The people we meet always have an impression on us and likewise we have on them. For example, some are humble while some are proud. What do you except their fate to be if they are proud? For those that are humble, their chances are always better in many ways to have a better fate and life. If one is rich, smart and humble, he will always have the respect from people and find himself surrounded with cooperative staff. People will be pleased and willing to work for him as compared with a boss who is bossy and proudly smoking cigar in the office.

Humble people usually will find themselves easier to accept other people’s opinion or criticism. They can benefit from these opinions and criticisms by transforming them into wisdom and experience. Proud people are difficult and not easily willing to accept other people’s suggestions and most likely will feel unhappy and reject them even if they are good. Our situation is actually determined by our own personalities. Who would want to give valuable suggestions to people who thought that they are the best in the world? It is only when we are green and humble that we learn and not when we are ripe and rotting.

Suppose there are two groups of people with different categories of personalities: one is negative and the other positive. The negative one will have characteristics such as critical, jealous, arrogant, selfish and lazy. These people most likely will be irresponsible and careless in their words and actions. The other category of positive personalities would most likely exhibit characteristics such as appreciating others’ success, being encouraging, humble, generous, open-minded, responsible, cool, calm, peaceful, caring and optimistic about life. We can imagine the kind of situations these two groups of people will face in their lives. For the negative group, they would probably have obstacles in their interpersonal relationships. They would become isolated and lonely.

People who are lazy will hesitate to take action and people who are careless will most likely make many mistakes. Their future conditions and fate can be anticipated to be cloudy, dark and unpleasant results. On the other hand for those who are positive, encouraging, willing to take action, thoughtful, courteous, persistent and hardworking will most likely have success in life. Different personalities indeed affect the fate and bring different results to people. ‘Luck’ is actually the functioning of many other unknown factors and we cannot expect to have success throughout our life. Good personalities definitely play a very important part. People can change and if one is willing to change, then the most arrogant person can become the most humble.

Failure can have a positive meaning to us if we can learn from it and understand why we did not succeed. Before Edison invented the light bulb, he had tried hundreds of different materials and he failed more than nine hundred times. It is very discouraging to have failures, however, he thought of every failure as a precious experience. His positive attitude consoled him that he had found one more material that is not suitable for the filament. After hundreds of failures he finally found that tungsten was the best material for the bulb. He changed the fate of his experiment because he had the awakening wisdom to continue and great positive desire to brighten up the world.

This is the advice from my Heavenly Teacher JiGong:

“With whole-heartedness and one-mindedness, take the ancient saints and sages as your model; take the Old Grand Master (Maitreya Buddha) as the model. Take the Teacher’s aspiration as your aspiration. Take the heart of Heaven as your heart and learn from the virtuous nature of saints and sages. It doesn’t matter if you walk or run. As long as you keep moving, there is surely an outcome in the end. Fear not being slow, but do fear standing and keeping still. The worst is turning back. This is like the running race between the tortoise and the rabbit where the tortoise won in the end. Therefore, as long as your goal and aspiration does not change, there would surely be an outcome in the end.”

We can learn from this saying and change our personalities if we have not developed a positive one. Everyone can change and it is not too late to do so. With good personalities, we are bound to change our fate and there would surely be an outcome in the end. Do not let fate determine our life but let our good personalities determine our fate.

Author: T.A Chew

T.A Chew bumped into an old friend after at least 15 years of not seeing each other. The first impression from his friend was, you have changed tremendously (in the positive manner). By looking at his own photographs between his younger days and now, his personality has changed and also his fate. It must be the cultivation of Tao and positive attitude of humbling himself. Website: http://www.white-sun.com

This is one of my favorite reasons for giving Divinely channeled private consultations. Most people do NOT know their passion, or their life purpose.

So I am going to ask you a few questions so YOU can uncover your own truth!

What comes as naturally to you as breathing? (As Oprah once said.) What would you do for FREE for the rest of your life if you had twelve million dollars in the bank? – And this is AFTER you have already bought everything you have ever wanted to own, traveled to all parts of the world (unless that IS your passion and life purpose.) What would make you say: “Thank God it’s Monday!” What are your natural talents and abilities? Are you a great speaker? Perhaps you would do well teaching, or motivating or inspiring, or mentoring.

Do you LOVE baking? Mrs. Fields and Wally (Famous) Amos did!

Do you adore people? Plants? Animals? Nature? Math? Inventing? Music?

In other words, YOU have to dig real deep inside of you to discover what you are so naturally great at, and what you always loved. You have to really picture in your mind what you would do all day and night, because you love it THAT much! For example, I’m writing this for YOU on a Saturday night! Because I really love sharing, making a difference, and inspiring THAT MUCH!

Another GREAT INDICATOR as to your passion are your role models. People you really admire, and when you’ve watched them, and saw what they were doing, something inside of you said: I could EASILY do that! I would LOVE to do that too! My role models were Barbara Walters, Oprah Winfrey, Diane Sawyer, Christianne Amanpour, Meg Ryan, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Princess Grace, and Princess Diana.

Now I’m not a princess, however there certain qualities and attributes within each person that I mentioned above that are mirrors of different qualities and attributes, as well as life experiences I have lived with ALL of the above.

When you admire someone, they are mirroring YOUR qualities too! I could never be any of the above people. I can only be me! And all of the above people could never be one or the other of the above people. I can only share my own process with you, so that it can trigger you to search and discover your own truth.

During my life I have been a feature film and TV actress. I was a journalist, and interviewed refugees in Israel as well as worked on the year 2000 elections behind the scenes with CNN. I am really “for the people” and each stage of my life carried fabulous experiences that I would never take back. I loved them all! Now, I prefer to be more of a private person, and occasionally I love to be in public to give speaking events. I love it all. There is no reason why you cannot do everything you love. One process will naturally lead to the next. For me, acting led to journalism after I had undergone severe injustice and wanted to really make a difference for the voiceless masses. Then, when I saw what broadcast journalism was really all about, I had already written my first book Individual Power and then left journalism to be an author, public speaker, and publisher. (You can’t really give your own opinion when you are reporting the nightly news, you have to tell both sides of the story, period. – Not for me! I had too much of an opinion – so I valued that! An author can write and express away, and STILL make a difference for the masses.

So what YOU have to do to move from a dead-end life into a life filled with PASSION is to really get into your heart, and NOT seek to validate yourself from the outside in! THAT is a very important lesson! I STILL love acting beyond measure, however when I WAS an actress, at the time I was “Oscar driven.” I believed that if I won an Oscar, I would “THEN” be “somebody.”

I had a LOT of self-validation to learn from the inside out. So never, ever, ever go after something because you think it will make you rich, or famous, or anything from the outside. ALWAYS BE who you really are, and validate yourself from the INSIDE OUT – NOT THE OUTSIDE IN!!!

Write down your role models. Write down your NATURAL talents, strengths and abilities. Then go into your heart and ask yourself what that life would look like if you brought it all out from deep within you. It CAN be multi-faceted, and it can also be a single focus – like a pediatrician. However, I know an attorney that just recorded his first fantastic musical CD – my brother!

If money was NO object – what would you REALLY LOVE to do? THAT is your passion. Always honor it!

2. How do I move from where I am now to where I want to be?

One tiny step at a time. Just MOVE in that direction IN YOUR ACTIONS. Also, combine the most powerful visualization and manifesting abilities every spiritual/human being does have, and picture yourself as if you had ALREADY become what you are working toward. Really see yourself as you are – as if you were looking at yourself in hindsight.

If you really wanted to walk from New York to Los Angeles, you COULD. One step at a time. Do SOMETHING EACH DAY in the area that you love. Even if you just set aside one hour, or half and hour. Sometimes I work all night, until dawn! But to me it’s JOY, Bliss, and I love every second of it and would not trade my life for any other. When you are THAT passionate about what you love, you will feel MORE energy than you ever have, and you will also begin to look younger too! There is a certain glow about a person that is radiating their true passion that nothing on the outside can ever bring out. It all comes from within!

Hours, days and weeks all add up – more than most people realize. It is NEVER about the goal – it is the PROCESS of it all that is so rewarding. Please remember that!!

3. What do I do if it all doesn’t work out?

It is your CHOICE to do only what you love, and to be true to only ONE person – you!

What if it all DOES work out? What if you love it all so much that it is not about it all working out, but about the JOY you feel each day just for the LOVE OF DOING IT? That is what matters – that is ALL that matters in life. It’s NOT about an outcome, it IS about how you FEEL inside while you are doing what you really love!

Did you ever make love to someone and have incredible passion? Weren’t you so IN the moment that you loved it so much? Did you worry about “what if it all doesn’t work out” while you were passionately involved with something that was incredibly phenomenal? It’s the same thing with your life purpose. Being IN the moment is so rewarding that your head doesn’t run off into the past or the future. It is all in the NOW moment. That is all you ever really have you know. All we all ever have is NOW. Become too in love with the process, and you will never again worry about the outcome. ENJOY this life by living your passion!

4. How do I handle negative comments from relatives or friends?

Say: “Thank you for your perspective.” Period! Then continue with all that you love. You do NOT OWE anyone an explanation regarding your life purpose. Are THEY asking you about theirs? No? I didn’t think so!

Do you know the story about Henry Ford (Ford Motor Company) and his father? Henry worked for a company and made a great salary. He wanted to quit his job to follow his “dream” and begin his own motor company. His father called him stupid, and a “dreamer” and yelled at him for even considering giving up such a high paying job to “pursue a crazy dream.” Thank God Henry Ford didn’t listen to his father! He invented the first CAR!

People will always have an opinion. And do you know what? They are entitled to their own opinions! That doesn’t mean that you have to mold your life according to their opinion! It is just an opinion, however your truth is what you have to live with. Only YOU can live YOUR life. Don’t EVER allow someone else to steer you away from your truth, ever!

5. How do I really start it all?

The exact same way everyone else really starts it all – from right where you are NOW! Just begin! Begin and never look back. Keep going – follow your TRUTH! You will always be guided one step at a time. That’s all it takes – for everyone – including me.

6. What do I do if I don’t have the funds to do what I really want?

There is always a Higher reason for NOT having funds, just as much as there is FOR having funds. Money can NEVER dictate what you want to do. If you want to go back to school, there is such a thing as student loans. If you want to publish books, set aside even three dollars a day to pay for them to be edited and printed. There are investors, there are people that you can team up with! ASK the Universe to bring you the exact situations and people so that it is ALL ALREADY DONE! View it as complete – and NEVER limit the Universe as to “HOW” it is all going to happen. Just set the intention, ask for Divine guidance and assistance, and then REALLY have an attitude of gratitude and EXPECTATION – because it WILL become your reality – only as firmly as you believe it to be so!

7. You seem so confident and sure of your purpose Barbara. How can I become that way too?

I’ll share with you HOW I became so confident. I NEVER allowed anyone to steer me away from my truth! Each day I do what I love, and I am very happy! Money does NOT buy happiness – it brings more ease in life, and it is fantastic to have grand abundance so that you can do all you really want to do. However, during the beginning stages, most people do NOT have grand abundance, and they STILL keep on with their purpose.

Each day I follow my truth. Each day I move and work from the inside out. So naturally my confidence level has greatly increased compared to when I first began. In the beginning I was PETRIFIED to leave an approved internship with CNN, and actually publicly expose that I received “information from God in my writings.” I was paralyzed with fear that people would have men in white jackets to come and put me in a padded cell! I was SO much more secure (for my ego) to become a broadcast journalist with CNN. That was respected status in both my eyes, and in the eyes of society. However, after 7 months of inner torture, I FINALLY gave in to my truth, and NEVER looked back.

Everyone is scared in the beginning! That is just a great sign that you are moving out of the old comfort zone of your ego – that loves to cling on to the past – and you are moving in the direction of your heart and soul – which will NEVER let you down!

Just follow your truth, each day, each moment, and then you will be living the life you were born to live – with passion!

© Copyright by Barbara Rose. All rights reserved.

Barbara Rose is an internationally recognized expert in the field of personal transformation and spiritual/human potential. A pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication the study and integration of humanity’s God-Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution.
A #1 relationship best-selling author of Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE, Barbara’s other highly acclaimed books include, If God Was Like Man, and Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life. Her public speaking events, tele-seminars, webcasts, articles and private intensives have transformed the lives of thousands across the globe.

Barbara is known for providing life-changing answers, quick practical coaching and deep spiritual wisdom to people worldwide. She is the founder of IHSC – Institute of Higher Self Communication, inspire! Magazine, Rose Humanitarian Alliance, and The Rose Group publishing company.
Barbara works in cooperation with spiritual leaders, to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity. http://www.borntoinspire.com

As a child and well into my teenage years, I was a person who was often referred to as being very shy. Even though this description was true, I always longed to be as confident and outgoing as everybody else. The problem was that I did not know how to gain this self-esteem and found socialising very difficult.

There were many reasons as to why I was a shy person. My family by nature for whatever reason are seemingly always worrying about something or other. We all spiral in and out of depression and basically have a negative outlook on life.

I also grew up having to cope with a stuttering problem which as you can imagine did not help my own confidence levels and only added to what was already the difficult task of mixing with other people. I did eventually manage to achieve fluency but only after suffering with the speech impediment for eighteen years.

I have to say that I always preferred to be by myself and was what many people saw as a loner. When I am on my own nobody can hurt me and I was also in no danger of stuttering. The weird aspect was that inside I was a very confident person who was desperate to show the world, the real Steve Hill.

Being shy made it difficult for me to form relationships with women and made my work life also more of a choir.

At the age of around twenty-one I decided to attempt to overcome my shyness once and for all. I had to understand the real reasons behind why I was shy and to deal with each one in turn. I asked myself many questions such as:

Why are you scared of people? This was because I had a fear of not being accepted or liked. They may hurt me by being aggressive towards me or by taunting me about my speech etc. This was me being paranoid, so I decided that if I don’t try, I won’t know.

Why are you afraid of socialising? This was because I did not feel that I had a lot to say and believed people would think I was boring. I decided just to try my best and to see what happens.

Why won’t you approach a member of the opposite sex? This was because I thought that they would only tell me to go away and that they would not be interested in me. Yet again, if I do not try, how will I know.

These are just three of many questions I asked myself and you can probably see a pattern forming. I was just somebody who was scared to try, a fear of failure in a way. It was also a fear of being rejected and disliked.

I have now come to realise that out of ten people I meet, three of four of them might not like me, but that means there are six who will. Life is to short to be constantly paranoid and stressed. I have to battle against my shyness and break free of it once and for all.

I now have more confidence than I ever have had. I still have periods where I become shy but these are becoming less and less as time goes by.

In conclusion, if you are not happy being shy, work hard to deal with and to understand what is making you this way. I am sure that you can live a much more relaxed life in the same way that I have done.

Stephen Hill helps to promote a number of websites including:

identity theft articles

help starting a business

stuttering information

I think that Franklin D. Roosevelt hit the nail on the head when he said, “Confidence thrives only on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them, it cannot live.”

Confidence is not to be found outside of one’s self, it is not an inherent part of your personality when you are born, but rather is something that can be learned, honed and integrated into your daily behavior. We build or lose self-confidence by choice. It is something that can be destroyed by a parent, teacher, sibling or colleague by a thoughtless offhand remark that is taken to heart and integrated into the psyche of the receiver. Often the event passes quickly and neither the giver nor the receiver is even aware of what has happened. This occurs whether it is used to build one up or break one down.

Luckily, if you have low self-esteem or a lack of confidence you can find the direction to build up these skills through a motivation to do so. Sound simple? Well it is. You see, since confidence comes from the inside out, you can begin by acting as if you are self-confident. Begin with something small, pretend that you are confident and just do whatever it is that you lack confidence in.

The first time I had to speak before an audience, I was terrified. So I did my research, prepared my speech, practiced and (yep, I was still scared stiff). But, because I knew the material I only had to overcome the fear of getting up in front of the audience. Well, after I was introduced, I had no other option but to go through with it. So, I stepped up to the podium and acted as if I was a great speaker and when I completed my speech, someone said “wow you’re such a confident speaker” and I realized that the audience couldn’t tell that I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time. I decided to use the “act as if” strategy whenever I needed to feel confident and as time passed, I found my confidence grew.

Remind yourself of what Joe Palermo said, “If you’re knocked down, you can’t lose your guts. You need to act with supreme confidence or else you’ll lose again, and then losing becomes a habit.” It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are, what’s important is that you are in control of how you respond and react to each situation you are faced with.

In my book, “Self-Creation: 10 Powerful Principles for Changing Your Life,” I recommend using the 4-step coping mechanism to build confidence. Whatever you are facing, begin by contemplating and analyzing the situation. Next, incubate it, step back and reflect, but don’t make a decision yet. Then actuate, consider ways to restructure the situation, hold it up to the light and look for the opportunity in it. Finally, integrate; incorporate the new behavior in your daily actions and you will build your confidence.

As Marie Curie said, “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this something, at whatever cost, must be attained.”

Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”

So, believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers, you cannot be successful or happy.

Yvonne F. Brown is an internationally recognized trainer, speaker, author, personal motivation, inspiration, and empowerment expert. Author of “Self Creation: 10 Powerful Principles for Changing Your Life” Yvonne helps people to eliminate self-sabotage, stop self-limiting beliefs and reach their highest potential. She teaches how to accelerate personal performance and career fulfillment for workgroups and individuals everywhere. Her new book “Ethics, Choice and Leadership” will be available later this year. To learn more visit her website JAD Communications International. and subscribe to the Pathways to Abounding Inspirations newsletter.